Jihad Bear – Jihad Bear is at the front lines killing filthy Zionist Bears everywhere. Peace be upon him!
Sharia Bear – Sharia Bear is properly clothed, otherwise she will be stoned to death.
Scare Bear – Scare Bear has many hats. Sympathizer, Talking Head and even Film Producer. Whether its phony protests, fighting cartoons, blaming Israel or filming atrocities for Allah, Scare Bear is ready to indulge the Western media.
Barrister/Attorney Bear – The #1 CAIR Bear. This little guy has copied other victim hustlers and has built an industry using our Western values against us. Allah hu Ackbear!
Ayatollah Bear – Ayatollah Bear is greatly exalted for his issuing of death-fatwas upon infidels.
Dhimmi Bear – Dhimmi Bear gets to pay Jizya to his respective Islamic Government. Historically in the U.S., we know Jizya as “protection money” paid to the Siclilian Sharia.
Mohammed Bear – Mohammed Bear fools all the other Bears (except Dhimmi Bear who is forced) into believing he is Holy. His followers go on to continually divide and harass the world while claiming to be victims. What a tricksey Bear he is!
Hostage/Snuff Bear – Comes with removable head so you can act out all those films directed by Al-Jazeera!
Likud Bear – part of the “Evil Zionist Collection” Likud Bear defends his very Small part of the toy box against all the other CAIR Bears, and usually wins. Shalom Bitches!
Islam (and the comments from the first CAIR Bears) allows Christian Dhimmi to join the Jizya party!
President Boosh Bear – “Evil Zionist Imperialist Mastermind” Which should be obvious with such oratory as “Is our cubs learning?”, “You’re working hard to put food on your family…” and “…where wings take dream.”
Love him or hate him, you must admire President Boosh Bear for not giving a crap what any bear thinks. You will be invaded.
Water Board Bear – Water Board Bear thinks Imperialists are mean for giving him an aggressive bath! He only murders, rapes and makes roadside bombs. You naughty Crusaders!
Martyr Bear/Suicide Bear (Homicide for Fox fans) comes with a button. “Allah-Hu Ackbear” Boom! Shipped from China for oil contracts. (Lead nose and eyes guaranteed)
Al Jazeera Bear – Al-Jazeera Bear really is objective. Okay you can stop laughing now.
Honor Killing Bear – Poor Honor Bear is brutalized because the men in her life are insecure and jealous fairies. They take out their failure to defeat Western powers on the bodies of their girls and women.
Peace be upon Honor Bear.
Club Gitmo Bear – He has a snazzy jumpsuit, Quran & a non-alcoholic cocktail. The ACLU’s favorite client and a major cause celeb. For some reason, every-time we see him we hear violin music…
Jizya Bear -(American version: IRS Bear) Jizya Bear is hot to collect your Jizya!
Imam Hamza Bear – Imam Hamza Bear! Peace be upon him. Hamza Bear decries the evils of Western democracy from Finsbury Park while selecting young men to blow up buses.
Mullah Bear – Mullah Bear comes with “love cub” so he can be a pederast ‘round the clock.
Royal Saudi Bear – Owner of Citigroup and financier of CAIR. He wants to relinquish his throne, really. (Comes with Muslim Piggy Bank)
ACLU Bear – An “Evil Zionist” Bear even if he doesn’t know it. Although an unwitting servant of Jihad, ACLU Bears heart is in the right place. It’s just that his brains are in his butt, so most of his ideas are crap.
Abu Ghraib Bear – Abu Ghraib Bear is here to get your sympathy after a night of roadside bombing.
Ahmadinejad Bear – Constantly threatens war and supplies terrorists around the globe. Scared out of nuclear production by President Boosh Bear in 2003. (I am sure they stopped. I saw it on Al Jazeera.) Treated better at American Universities than most Conservatives and has State of the Art Gay-dar to keep Iran Straight!
Hamas/PLO Bear – He has many roles. After kidnapping Zionist children, he will run home and cry for western cameras in front of a house being bulldozed. Never mind the rockets launched out of the backyard. Works hand in hand with Al Jazeera Bear.
Nobel Prize Bear – Yep it’s true. If you chop up and blow up enough Zionists you will get a Nobel.
Fatwa Bears . Fatwa bears are part of the “Evil Zionist Collection.” Fatwa Bears can be innocent tourists or aid workers who are lashed and beaten for unintentional mistakes. They can also be hot-blooded and fearless activists, who grow in number each time Jihad Bears attack.
Hashshashin/Fedayeen Bear- Recalling the glorious tradition of assassination that Islam still practices today! All Assassin Bears will kill your other infidel toys. Watch out!
Saddam Bear – Saddam Bear should not be here as we are told over and over again he was not Muslim, he hated terrorists, he had nothing to do with 9-11 or Zarqawi and never mind those President Saddam Hussein Grants paid via the Palestine Investment Bank ..blah blah blah…
Atheist Bear – “Part of the Evil Zionist Collection” but he doesn’t want to be. - Atheist Bear is an unwitting servant of Islamic domination. He is obsessed with attacking Christianity first and afraid of confrontations without a lawyer. Atheist Bear is constantly telling all other Bears how f^*#&*@g smart he is for not believing anything. If he is so smart, Atheist Bear can make himself. (Not available. Refuses to be created. Waiting for him to evolve.)
Janjaweed Bear – Janjaweed Bear continues the slaughter in Africa long after Hollywood celebrities become bored with it. With Khartoum’s weapons and China’s oil money behind him, Janjaweed bear will mow down all those filthy infidels! Peace be upon Janjaweed Bear!
Hezbollah Bear – Practices “Defensive Jihad” which means the “destruction of Israel.” An adroit carnographer, Hezbollah Bear loves to display dead cubs for westerners to cry over while they blame Israel. Allah hu AckBear!
Osama Bear Laden
A onetime mastermind of diabolical attacks against the greatest institutions of the West, he has now declared Jihad against evil western cartoons.
He occasionally appears on AL-Jazeera to give college students talking points and he is now looking for employment as a college professor to teach “Foreign Policy Ethics.” Several Universities have extended offers to him.
President Bearack Obama – He is known by many names, the Messiah, the One, Barry, and our Fearless Reader.
Renowned for disguising good reading skills for actual oratory, Bearack can say anything you type for him. His incredible super competence is on display every day, and that’s why he has 18 Czars and an incomplete cabinet after five months, because he demands only the best.
He will get to the bottom of every issue, from runaway spending to 911 dry run photo ops gone bad, it is always someone else’s fault and Bearack will find them out.
A master of euphemistic language, Bearack will raise your taxes fees, fight the Global War on Terror Overseas Contingency Operations Against Man Caused Disasters, expose Right Wing Extremists or People with Don’t Tread on Me bumper stickers terrorists, support the Fairness Doctrine radio programming diversity, and do his best to bring the socialist downfall change to America.
Thanks to all the readers, posters and blogs out there who had the balls to force CAIR Bears on the World.
Special thanks to Neal Boortz. Go to Neals Nuze.