The tiger attack story was avoided by The Rude News as other things in the world are going on. However, this line in one of the many articles about these “kids” acting like “normal kids” at the zoo was enough. (One of them is 23)
These parents have got to stop with blaming everyone else for their drunk, pot smoking young adults roaring at the tiger. The cops found vodka, weed and a fake urine bag in their 2002 BMW. (standard issue “kids” car) The two young men who survived were uncooperative with police.
It’s too bad the 23-year-old’s father was not man enough to make his drunk, pot smoking son call this young man’s father and either apologize or explain himself. Then again, the father probably encouraged him to stay quiet as he has dealt with this kind of goat-screwing before.
The police have suspended their investigation now, “pending new witnesses being interviewed and/or new evidence being produced.”
If they need help they can start with the drunk-driving, paraphernalia and contributing to a minor.
No jury in their right mind should award anyone anything, with the possible exception being the slain seventeen-year-olds family.
Now we have an exclusive interview with a friend of Tatiana, the slain tiger. He asked that his identity be concealed because he has some tight-ass employers. We will call him Mr.T.
.
“Good Afternoon, Mr.T. Welcome to The Rude News”
.
.
.
”Howdy Doo, it’s a real pleasure to be here. I’m a big fan ya know.”
.
.
“Excellent. You have joined the ranks of our other three readers. Now let’s get to the meat and potatoes. You say you spoke with Tatiana just before the police arrived, so tell us the story as it was told to you.”
. 
.
“Well let’s see here, yeah…”
.
.
.
“She said they were lookin’ over the edge like this and yellin’ and roarin’ at her. They were acting pretty crazy, throwin’ pine cones and stuff.”
.
.
“They kept makin’ gangsta’ faces and acting stupid…”
.
.
.
.
“…and she’s lookin’ up at ‘em like this and gettin’ all pissed off and stuff.”
.
.
.
“Well, they keep makin’ thug faces and acting tough and she finally has enough of this crap.”
.
.
.
.
.
“She gets down with her bad self, all stealth and stuff…”
.
.
.
.
.
“…and she leaps over the wall like ‘Suprise Bitches! I’m a real f****in’ tiger!’”
.
.
.
“She said they totally flipped out into complete whiny bitches. ‘Oooh no the tigers out! I was a tough guy now I’m a whiny bitch waaaaa!’”
.
.
.
.
“Excellent.”
.
.
.
“I know, I know! I don’t mean to laugh but it kicks my ass how funny it must have been to see their faces. ‘Oh shizzy! The tigers out!’”
.
.
.
“Anyway, they are wussin’ out hard, ‘Ahhh! sh** the tigers out!’”
.
.
.
.
“She makes for ‘em and leaps with everything she’s got, ’cause she knows the tranq’ rifles comin’ soon…”
.
.
.
.
“…and she hits his ass to the floor like this; ‘BIP’ Boo-yah bitch”
.
.
.
“She tried to devour him but she said he smelled and tasted like Grey Goose. She was Siberian and she didn’t do no Frenchy vodka.”
.
.
.
“Well they started headin’ for the hills and she was like ‘Where you all goin’? The party’s on! You fairies!’ She picked up some guy’s cell phone and called me and told me everything. We laughed our asses off.”
.
.
.
“Well you know what happens next. She was such a great gal and I was dyin’ inside when the police showed up and found her with a cell phone stuck in her ear and stuff…”
.
.
.
.
“Oh man. Say it ain’t so T!”
.
.
.
“Yeah I heard the whole deal go down. She set the phone down and faced ‘em and they shot ‘er down.”
.
.
.
“That is just terrible. A tragedy all around. You got me all misty T. I want to thank you for coming in and sharing your story with us.”
.
“It’s too bad really. It really is.”
.
.
January 30th, 2008 - 10:15 am
I’m happy to see that someone has the cojones
to print the story from the other side of the cage.
The parents of these “boys” have obviously failed society and should be the ones to pay compensatory damages to the zoo and possibly to the family of the victim.
This would hopefully have the effect of causing parents to start raising children to be responsible for their actions and not how to play innocent victims.