Lena Dunham and Her Dirty Moustache Fantasy

What can you say about Lena Dunham, the creative mind behind “Girls”?
You can say she has an amazing imagination, especially when it comes to writing books.

The book (Not that Kind of Girl) says, Lena Dunham was raped by a mustachioed republican. This prolific pillager of liberal labias went on to savage other girls according to some stories she heard. Yikes!

Well… I say, let’s get this sick bastard.

There's mustache Barry! Get 'em!

There’s mustache Barry! Get ’em!

Lena wrote in her book the one of the encounters was bloody. Surely Ms. Dunham did not fabricate this dastardly deed of elephant on donkey violence merely to propagate a completely villainous narrative to sell a few more books and earn some coveted faux-victim street cred.

She does seem more upset that Ben Shapiro’s blog displayed some excerpts of her misadventures in childhood anatomy… but we will chalk that up to her priorities being addled due to the trauma of being assaulted by the Mustachioed Republican.

Ms. Dunham refuses to name this rapist of women, even though he has multiple victims and freely wanders our streets twirling his mustache and making notches in his War on Women cane for each left wing victim. Her refusal to cooperate with the police is clearly an episode of Stockholm syndrome, the poor dear.

So let’s not delay, for if we get to this pervy perp before Ms. Dunham must relive the horror again by naming him (outside of publishing the story, talking about it in interviews, Tweets, etc…) so much the better.

Beware Republican Mustache Bastard! We are coming for your skin!

Now down to the serious business at hand, pointing fingers at potential mustachioed perps:

First up is Magnum P.I. While he may not be a huge right-winger… he does use a gun, drives eco-hostile 12 cylinder cars and flies around in a helicopter just to look cool. Of course, his mustache cannot be denied.

Dun Dunn Daah Dun, da-da dun-dun dun-dun...

Dun Dunn Daah Dun, da-da dun-dun dun-dun…

How about a lowly former blogger The Rude Dog? He could easily stick on a stache and don a disguise clever enough to slip past the drug-addled haze of collegiate merrymaking. Look at that photo… it’s the description of her assailant to the tee.


Last of all, perhaps it was President Taft himself. Obviously a college Republican, a huge mustache, a man of enormous appetites and the fact that he would call himself Barry is obvious. He was merely protecting us from the fact that he time-traveled and forced himself on a vulnerable coed. Now we know why Teddy Roosevelt was so angry at Taft’s shenanigans in office. This may be one for the history books…


Or maybe we will see some half-hearted no-apology grace the internet, decrying that even though a vicious lie was exposed, the liar is still the victim anyway and all this was really just satire.

For Americans, it would be a shock to see pious activists tell ridiculous lies and hurl painful accusations just to promote a false narrative and avoid
the pitfalls of explaining their own narcissism and contempt for their fellow Americans.

Hopefully in this case, justice will prevail.

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